Anyone vaguely interested in the title of this post will undoubtedly be reading this in hope that I will provide an explanation for it. As always, the best explanation must begin with a question. Mine is: “What is needed for a relationship to blossom?” Now, before anyone ridicules me for my choice in language or asks me, “Has something happened to you and Yeu Sheng?” let me point out a couple of things. Firstly, my choice in language is entirely governed by the amount of vocabulary I have at my command. I don’t want to brag but that amount isn’t exactly small and after thinking long and hard, the word “blossom” seemed the most appropriate. Secondly, I write this post with its melancholic title as a tribute to the thoughts I’ve had about someone else’s situation. Sounds like a typical cover-up story? Well, believe me if you will but honestly, nothing has gone amiss in my direct family.
But I digress. Let us direct our attention back to my question. “What is needed for a relationship to blossom?” Over the years of my short tenure in this world, I have found numerous answers to this question. So the answer begins with, “a great many things!” However, after much contemplation, I think “opportunity” must be somewhere high on that list. If a pair of lovers was neither given the fate to meet nor the time to be together afterwards, it is hardly possible to think that they would become lovers. All the stories that we hear in our lives about star-crossed lovers proves exactly my point. Romeo and Juliet would never have had the chance to endure suicide for love if Juliet’s family did not have a ball and Romeo did not have the guts to sneak in to steal two kisses. My point in the end is that there is nothing more important at the outset than opportunity. Without the opportunity, there is nothing.
That said, opportunity is not the only thing. Otherwise, every girl I meet and talk to would be my next wife. No. In addition to the blessings of fate, there must be feelings. This may sound fairly obvious but it is surprising how it is overlooked by so many. “Oh yeah, surely chance and good fortune will ensure a good relationship” or “If the two are happy then they will be fine” are two answers that are thrown around with shameless frequency. If there is no feeling for one another, you can put the two people together for eternity and nothing will change. Let me give an example, a simple one. Family. Family spend their entire lives, from the moment they are born, knowing each other, living together and yet rarely has history seen love blossoming in that situation. I say rarely because of course, as always, there are exceptions to the rules. Oedipus is an example that jumps straight to mind. The idea of a mother and son relationship progressing further than society morally allows may be repulsive to many but was one that Shakespeare thought was a good idea for a play. But again, this playwright has once again proved my point. Opportunity and feelings. Without either, I can promise that a lasting relationship will never develop.
At this point, you must be wondering what is so troubling about these thoughts? “Daniel must be having PMS if something this simple is making him brood.” There are a multitude of things that I can list in this post but there is only one other that I will mention. Environment. I’m not talking about the plant at the end of the street or the possum that steals food from the garbage bin every night. I am talking about the people and places that the couple-to-be interacts with. It is sad but the fact remains that once a couple falls in love, it is no longer just their business. Gossip flies from mouth to ear faster than light. As a result, the couple will be inundated by questioning stares and “grilling sessions” from friends and family. All this means they will collectively know the relationship better than the couple themselves. I’m sure everyone has fantastic pictures of perfection in their mind where the friends and family find out everything they can and then pat the couple on the shoulder with as much emotional support as possible. Unfortunately, family is a problem…especially parents. What can a couple do if the parents of one of them object to their relationship? Try to gain their favor? Decide that the relationship is too much effort and split up? Avoid the problem and just do what their heart tells them to do? All are possible but please note that none of these options are exemplar solutions.
I have drawn up a short list, in this post, of the things one would need for a relationship to work. Opportunity, feelings and environment. If even one of these are lacking then the odds of succeeding drop to about 1:100. It is this that is causing the troubling thoughts in me, for someone’s situation where one of these three things has fallen apart. I’m sure that if you thought about it logically, you will be able to discern which one I am talking about. However, it is not my place to help them, nor my place to judge them. What actions they have taken already, I do not agree with but I keep my silence. In the end, the consequences of their actions are theirs to bear. That is the conundrum I face. I would dearly like to give advice. I would dearly like to lend a hand. I would dearly like to see them happy. But it is neither my right nor responsibility and it would be unfair to them if I stuck my nose into their affairs uninvited. They must pull themselves out of this one and it is regrettable that all I can do is sit back and watch fate unfold.
